Lately…

I haven’t been feeling like myself..  I miss the times when I used to enjoy the little things in life.  I feel like I’m lost. I have no motivation and barely anything sparks my interest any longer.  I don’t even have much fun going out anymore and find myself becoming much more reclusive than previously.  I never was much of an extrovert to say the least.  I can say I have been more of an introvert— allowing myself to hang out with a small group of 3 or 4 friends. Nowadays I find myself alone in my room to ponder the unhappiness of my life and it has developed into some type of self-loathing. There really is nobody else to blame but myself for this.

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saintloon:

The Secret World of Arrietty, Porco Rosso, Only Yesterday, Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, Kiki’s Delivery Service, Howl’s Moving Castle, Grave of the Fireflies, Whisper of the Heart, Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro.

Found these on imgur, and I was scouring tumblr to find a version to reblog, cause they are STUNNING… Buuuut I couldn’t. It’s obviously not OC, but don’t hate me- just wanted to share!

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I’m a paradox. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I’m lazy, yet I’m ambitious. I don’t like myself, but I also love who I am. I say I don’t care, but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way. I’m a conflicted contradiction. If I can’t figure myself out, there’s no way anyone else has. Unknown (via lucky-bella)

(Source: unlockingparadise)


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Mine and my boop’s one year anniversary is coming up! We are spending the whole weekend down in San Diego in a couple weeks.  Ahhh. I can’t wait :)

Things I want to do:
Natural History Museum
Museum of Contemporary Art
Balboa Park
Coronado Island
Sunset Cliff
Gaslamp District
Fine dining somewhere on Saturday night
A few other things I can’t think off the top of my head but I’d also like to check out some good dessert places!

Either way so much to do and so little time! ^__^

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breaking-fucking-bad:

Found in the Albuquerque obituaries a few days after the final episodeThis is too perfect  

Goddamn. I’m having Breaking Bad withdrawals.  Nothing will ever be as good as Breaking Bad.  I don’t know what to do with my downtime anymore.

breaking-fucking-bad:

Found in the Albuquerque obituaries a few days after the final episode

This is too perfect  

Goddamn. I’m having Breaking Bad withdrawals.  Nothing will ever be as good as Breaking Bad.  I don’t know what to do with my downtime anymore.

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I want to finish my tattoo so badly. No moneys T___T Hopefully I’ll have it done by Thanksgiving. I have a total of 6 hours of work done. I just need to color in my chinese fu dog and chrysanthemum flower!

I want to finish my tattoo so badly. No moneys T___T Hopefully I’ll have it done by Thanksgiving. I have a total of 6 hours of work done. I just need to color in my chinese fu dog and chrysanthemum flower!

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When he kisses her, storms rise beneath her skin. For she is the ocean, and he, her moon. (via daughter-of-odin)

(Source: girlslovesextoo)


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My boyfriend and I have had an ongoing battle since last Valentine’s day dinner.  He kept persistently trying to convince me that I was in love with him and wanted me to be the first to admit it.  Of course with my stubborn behavior, I challenged him. I looked him straight in the eye and told him he would definitely be the first one to say the three special words.  We both glared at each other and solemnly swore to ourselves that neither would give up. Seven months later and nineteen days shy of our one year anniversary, the words have still been unsaid. How funny me and my boop are?


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I think I loathe myself

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Update on my life

I highly doubt anyone views my tumblr anymore but here it goes! It’s been quite a while. Life has been pretty swell I have to say. First things first I am very proud to say that I have lost quite a bit of weight. I’ve never really been on a real diet and tried this hard before. It’s been well over a month and a half and the progress is so gratifying. This is hard for me to admit but at my worst, I weighed in about 157. Those were dark times for me lol… I was indulging into many drugs and drinking about 3 times a week. I knew what I was doing to myself but I continued to do so. The more weight I gained, the uglier I felt inside and my insecurities were becoming so bad Sam and I were going down a bad road for a little. I finally realized that I don’t even feel like myself anymore and took action. Originally after I cut down my drinking to a month sober of everything I got down to 147. Although I lost weight I still didn’t feel healthy or good about myself. It wasn’t until I made up my mind that I was going to Vegas which was about 2 weeks before the trip that I decided to change it up once and for all. By Vegas I dropped down to 143. It’s been easier to keep up this clean eating and exercising. I eat about 1200 calories a day which consists of mostly salads, fruits, subway sandwiches, steamed fresh vegetables, baked fish, and chicken due to red meat having too much fat I only eat it once or twice a week in small portions. I cut out soda/juice and drink a shit ton of water. I have a strict exercise schedules which consists of at least gyming 5 days a week, 4 of those days MUST be Mon-Thurs no excuses, doing 45-60 minute cardio at least burning 500+ calories, 10-15 minute sauna sesh, and at least 20 minutes of some type of toning weight exercises. I also quit smoking cigarettes daily, I may have one or two a week. I weighed myself this morning and I am down to 137. Some of my shorts are so loose and don’t even fit me properly anymore. It is such an awesome feeling and I am so proud of myself. By the end of Summer I am hoping to get down to 130 and my long term goal is 120.

Anyway more updates later!

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